Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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