could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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