ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
