and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
