Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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