In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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