Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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