clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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