wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
