i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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