dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and she was petting her beer can
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
