goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
