just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
