Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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