the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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