My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom