My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
