Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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