he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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