Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
