Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
