Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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