i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
