Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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