I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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