She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
