her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
