I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
