I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
