I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
