I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
