rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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