im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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