Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
