i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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