Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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