i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
