stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
