i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
