the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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