would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
