Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
