I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
