You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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