You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
