Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
