she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
