my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
