Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
