coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
