this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
