Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
