By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
