I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
