just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You are a genius and a whore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
