rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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