K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
