im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
