Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
3pm strippers are depressing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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