I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
