u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
